Robert Pattinson~ I Hate Myself For Loving You

I hate myself for loving you

Cant break free from the the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you,

that's why

I hate myself for loving you...

(Thanks Joan Jett)

I am really trying to get a grip

on my emotions today.

So much to sort through...

so much going on.

Rob is in NYC

and his picture is all over the place.

I'm shattered.

People that I know

are going to the movie set...

and getting to put their eyes

on Rob.

I can't imagine.

I truly can't.

I have to close my eyes...

and take deep breaths.

My stomach is in knots.

KNOTS!

Why????

I feel like I'm 15.

I watched some videos

that people took who were there

watching Rob film...

And they were getting all giddy

and squealing when they even

caught a glimpse of his hair...

And as I'm watching these...

I can feel my heart start to pound

and all these feelings

come bubbling to the top.

And I know...

I fucking KNOW

That I would be in tears

if I saw Rob in person.

Isn't that ridiculous?

It feels silly just to type it.

Right now...

as I am writing this...

I am crushed by how strong

my feelings are.

I keep trying to make sense of it all.

Yes.

Rob is beautiful.

But it is so beyond how he looks.

It's everything about him.

EVERYTHING.

I am so drawn to him...

I can't get enough of him.

It scares me.

Truly.

I'm starting to think that I will never

figure this out.

That some things cannot

be deciphered.

Analyzed.

They just ARE.

Is it strange for a woman...

married with kids...

to be completely

devastatingly

passionately

devoted

to

Robert Pattinson?

Yes.

Yes it is.

But...

Truth is fucking Truth.

Bye for now ♥