A Couple of Things...

Hello dear reader.

Are you still there?

I am!

I know its been almost a year since the last time

I wrote in here...

but to be fair

We have been going through a global pandemic.

And we did just get rid of the worst president

that this country has ever seen

(yes, my opinion... as always)

So if you are still, indeed, a dear reader...

Thank you.

I'm in a better place now

I hope you are too.

There does seem to be a light

at the end of the tunnel.

Things seem brighter

And getting better all the time...

(couldn't get much worse)

I had a shitty year.

I lost 2 people who were very close to me

within 3 months of each other.

But then again,

compared to other people

I'm doing OK.

I have my health.

I haven't had financial hardships.

My family and friends are doing pretty good.

I'm still here.

I’m still standing.

So that leads me to this blog

and why I decided after a horrible year

and almost a year of absence...

Why I decided to write again.

Couple of things.

1. I love to write.

Even though I do it for a living

Writing this blog

Helps me express my feelings

and opinions

and thoughts...

And sort through how I feel

And why I’m feeling it.

I still enjoy writing about 

Robert Pattinson

and

Kristen Stewart.

So here I am.

2. I was going through old emails and texts

that I found on my old laptop...

and WOW.

I mean.

I found shit from 10 years ago.

Was I really so fucking intense?

I mean

seriously, folks.

I was way

WAY

WAY

FUCKING WAY

too invested in the whole Robsten drama.

I didn't even know what "shipping" meant at first.

Really.

But I guess when you love two people together

and get all verklempt and emotional

over every fucking picture and interview...

Well.

I guess that's shipping.

And I was a phenomenal shipper.

I did an exceptional job.

It was glorious fun and joy

watching two people fall in love

and be in love

and like just love... love.

But fucking A.

When those same two people break up?

APOCALYSPE!

End of the WORLD!

“Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!”

I was overwrought.

I was upset.

I was...

OVER INVESTED.

Jesus.

I look back at that now and go

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?"

Seriously.

You can enjoy people being together.

You can enjoy seeing pictures

You can speculate

and have fun with it

without getting emotional

over two people who truly

don't care what you want or believe.

I can look back now

from the comfort of my 

knowledge and wisdom

(hahahaha)

and see how I got sucked

into the vortex of the fandom.

It was intoxicating

wasn't it?

It was like the giddy fun part 

of being drunk...

Until you wake up the next

morning with a massive headache

and your stomach feeling

like you swallowed dirt.

There comes a time to fucking sober up

you know?

You live

You learn 

If you’re lucky.

3. I still adore Rob and Kristen.

Rob is Batman.

BATfuckingMAN.

I still can’t get over it.

But I love it 

And can’t WAIT to see him all dark and moody

And vengeful...

Kristen is a Princess.

She’s like a chameleon

And she makes every role she plays

fascinating and thought provoking.

“ Someone who just commands the lens 

simply by standing in front of it.”

Way cool.

They still hold s.w.a.y.

over me.

And I'm OK with that

because I still wanna know what is

going on with them.

I’m still following their careers

And I still look forward to every movie they do.

I guess that's what is called...

A FAN

(~ of Both!)

(Couldn’t resist)

Still crazy after all these years.

4. I made a lot of friends here.

Also some enemies along the way.

I don't open myself to people online very often.

I'm cynical.

I'm wary.

And I've been burned.

But...

Reading old emails and texts

made me realize 

how sometimes things got twisted

And I may have gotten carried away

about things that never really mattered

and looking back...

It wasn't worth it.

To whom it may concern

I'm so very sorry.

You know who you are.

OK.

Enough of the weirdly sad nostalgia.

I really am in a good place these days.

I look forward to more Rob and Kristen

in the future.

Let's not forget this guy...

(I haven’t)

Thomas Sturridge

IS DREAM.

You got that right.

Green Sheep.

Forever.

Be Safe.

Be Happy.

Until next time.

🌹

(See ya April 9th!)