Hands. Touching Hands.

He's walking... yes indeed, he's walking...

Sometimes.

Just sometimes.

So much awesome stuff happens that I don't even

know where to begin.

And of course...

Shit always happens on the weekend

when I'm usually too busy to be here.

But that's OK... ya know?

Because GOOD shit happened.

And now I'm looking at 'good shit'

and wondering how that is supposed to be positive...

because is there really such a thing as good shit?

These are the things that go through my mind.

How about we go back to good stuff.

Yeah. That works.

OK.

Random Thoughts.

1. Let's start with the above picture.

This is Robert Pattinson Intoxication after all.

So lets be all drunk on Rob strutting through Coachella.

And believe me when I say this...

Most of the daytime pics of Rob walking

looked as though he was about to fucking punch someone

in the motherbitching face.

Sure...

The Fringe will claim he's 'miserable' 

because he's with Kristen...

But we all know that's not true.

THAT is not the picture of a man who is miserable

in her company.

That is just reminiscent of...

Rob was annoyed (and that's a kinder gentler way of putting it)

Maybe he just wanted to enjoy the music like everyone else.

Sure... everyone knows paparazzi will be there.

But do these guys have to chase them?

I mean...

Take your fucking pictures and leave them alone.

How many pictures is enough anyway?

10? 100? 1000?

Do they chase all the celebrities?

Because you know there were a lot of them there too.

Yeah, I know... I looked at the pictures.

But goodness...

If looks could kill

That fucking pap would be lying dead on the ground.

Rob IS protective of Kristen.

(Some people should remember that)

I mean...

LOOK at his face.

Did you ever... ever

EVER

think you would find our goofy adorkable Robert

looking like that?

Not I.

Everyone has their limits.

Everyone has the line drawn in the sand.

I don't want to see Rob fucking lose it on some asshole.

But if they don't back off...

I'm afraid he will.

2. Rob and Kristen holding hands.

Of course...

There are some who think there is a proper way

to hold hands and anything that doesn't meet their expectations

doesn't count.

Uh huh.

See...

Rob and Kristen are not only holding hands

A LOT

(it is kinda their deal, isn't it? Yes... Yes it is)

But they are SIDE BY SIDE.

No, Rob and Kristen didn't intertwine their fingers.

I guess they forgot to read

"The Lunatic Fringe guide to Hand-holding"

Hands.

Touching Hands.

Reaching Out.

Touching Me.

Touching You.

(Sorry... a little Neil Diamond there)

They have been holding hands like this since 2009

But the point is...

Not even the hand-holding

which is ever so charming and sweet...

The point is

They are TOGETHER.

The details are nice.

The details are wonderful.

But the big picture is...

Rob and Kristen

ALWAYS

end up

TOGETHER.

Because that's exactly where they want to be.

3. Remember the Kids Choice Awards a few weeks ago?

Kristen looked absolutely glowing and gorgeous...

She won a couple of their awards.

Remember how some people were all

"It's just a lame kids show, its not the Oscars!"

"Who cares if she wins, the Shippers just vote

endlessly because they have no lives!"

"It's a meaningless award!"

Uh huh.

Sure.

So when Kristen is up for Best Hero in a movie

at the MTV movie awards

We get the Fringe frantically voting against her.

But wait...

Its not a BIG deal...right?

Its NOT the Oscars!

See... It's one thing to vote for Kristen

because you are her fan and want her to win an award.

That's normal.

It's one thing to be a fan of the Hobbit and naturally

wanting your 'hero' to win the award.

That's normal, too.

But to vote just for spite?

Well.

That's not normal.

That's the Lunatic Fringe for you.

Kristen OWNS them.

She even controls who they vote for.

Think about it.

And yeah.

Woe is Kristen

She didn't win the award.

I'm sure she was in tears all weekend worrying about it

while she was up close and personal with her boyfriend

at an awesome music festival.

Robert Pattinson.

That boyfriend.

Yeah.

Sounds like she was the winner after all.

Who's crying now?

This post is brought to you by the letter T

T for 

TOGETHER

like Rob and Kristen.

T for

Tom Sturridge.

Whom I adore.

Completely.

Until next time.

Bye for now.

Rob and Kristen Always End Up Together

Coachella Gorgeous

I'm not sure how to write this post.

All I can do is smile.

And laugh.

And guffaw.

And giggle.

and any other word that means 

laugh my ass off.

Here's the story.

Kristen was spotted at Coachella over the weekend.

Looking FABULOUS as always.

I mean seriously...

How the hell does she always look so damn beautiful?

Anyway.

So Kristen was seen with her agent/publicist Ruth.

Big uproar.

"Why is Ruth with her?"

"It must be BUSINESS"

Is it really that hard to comprehend that Kristen

actually LIKES Ruth and maybe was spending time with her

because she wanted to?

Ruth looks like a cool chick to me.

I'd hang out with her.

OK. So.

All these pics of Kristen.

No Robert.

Not a peep.

Just his Baltimore Orioles hat.

Ha!

So of course...

Then the Rob sightings started happening...

Screams from the Fringe!!

"He's not there!"

"Nice try Sheep! We know he's not there!"

"I hope a pic of Rob out with friends turns up"

and of course

the tried and true

"PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!"

Ouch.

Coachella Walking

I guess it DID happen.

This is going to sting a little bit.

That's GOTTA sting.

Just a bit.

Or maybe a lot.

"Rob looks miserable as always"

"They are never together"

"So what? They can only ever go out with 

a million people around them!"

"It doesn't mean anything!"

Lean on me...

Oh dear.

Rob and Kristen

Leaning into each other.

TOGETHER.

And what lesson have we all learned 

from the past 3+ years?

Rob and Kristen

ALWAYS

END UP

TOGETHER.

You would think the Lunatic Fringe

would learn their lesson by now.

They must like the taste of their 

foot in their big mouths.

I bet it tastes bitter...

So once we got past Rob actually being there with Kristen...

You know what happens next... right?

That's right.

EXCUSES.

1. Rob and Kristen look like they don't want to be there.

Look at how bored and miserable they are!

Music is a strong bond.

Hello?

They are listening to music.

Look at the faces around them.

Amazing that everyone looks the same.

They ALL must be fucking miserable then...huh?

2. Rob is just there to take care of Kristen.

They never let her do anything alone.

Yeah. OK.

Rob and Kristen are once again spotted in public

Kissing.

Holding hands.

Being Rob and Kristen.

And the only reason is because Rob feels sorry for her

and needs to babysit her.

And I hate to be the one to break this news...

But Coachella isn't a place you go to be 'alone'

They have plenty of time to do that at home.

Their home.

3. It's just PR!

Rob is doing a job!

He has to be there!

Look how annoyed he is!

Yes.

PR

That's why unlike Mrs. McDonald

who sought out the cameras...

(E I E I O)

You barely see any pictures of them.

Because Rob is FORCED to kiss on Kristen

and hold her hand

(Yes, he was only doing that so she wouldn't get lost)

This is really so not nice of me, isn't it?

Pointing and laughing.

I can't seem to help myself today.

Because as irrelevant as the Fringe truly are...

Their desperate excuses never cease to entertain me.

I digress.

4. Rob is so disappointing!

He can't possibly like her more than a friend.

He feels sorry for her.

They are only FWB!

THIS is why so many people are going 

over to the HUNGER GAMES fanbase!!

Once again...

Rob and Kristen live their lives the way they want to

and they get vilified.

What did they do wrong exactly?

A wonderful adorable couple who loves music

decided on going to a famous music festival together.

That's ALL they did.

Honestly...

You have to be used to this by now.

Rob and Kristen keep showing up together

all over the fucking place...

They have for YEARS.

What part of that don't you fucking get?

Rob and Kristen always end up together.

Because that's exactly where they want to be.

As for The Hunger Games fandom?

They have plenty of vacancies available.

I hear they are looking for a few more Fringe

to up the entertainment value.

Please.

Go.

Now.

Hurry.

So what have we learned today?

Well.

I guess its that tired old adage

"The more things change...

The more they remain the same"

Haters gotta hate.

And make excuses.

And I will continue to mock their hate

and laugh at their delusional rationalizations.

This post is brought to you by TWIRLING

Because Rob and Kristen in love makes me twirl.

They are happy in love...

So I'm happy for them.

And of course...

This post is brought to you by

THOMAS STURRIDGE

I'm too sexy for my coat...

It was confirmed that Tom would be in Cannes with Kristen

for the OTR screening.

Imagine.

Tom and Kristen and Rob

Oh My.

Doesn't all this wonderful news make you smile?

So much to look forward to...

So much to be happy about.

Smile.

Life is GOOD.

Until next time.

Bye for now