Day 33- Vanity Fair and Robert

*deep breath*
I'm not sure I will be coherent enough
to write anything today.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I can't stop myself from staring at Rob.
Why do these pictures make me want to cry?
Tears of absolute JOY!
How can this keep happening?
There are so many VF pics...
I only put up a few.
I can only handle so much, you know?

I suppose I should address the VF article.
I was disappointed.
Mostly because I read most of the quotes... before.
THIS is the big deal reveal?
Really?
OK.
Like I have so often said...
I take every written word with a grain of salt.
The good, the bad and the indifferent.
Even ones that I would love to believe...
I kinda have to shrug and move along.

This is what *I* know.
When Rob was done shooting in NYC
and got back to LA...
Who was the first person he went to?
Anyone?
Bueller?
It was Kristen.
He spent the days leading up to going
back to Vancouver...
With Kristen.
He wasn't forced to.
He WANTED to.
And throughout the whole Eclipse shoot...
Who was in Rob's company...
again and again?
Anyone?
Yeah... it was Kristen.
They were always together.
Always.
Together.
And until Kristen flew to Brazil
and Rob flew to Japan...
They were together.
So.
I can only conclude...
That they like being with each other.
The depths of their relationship
belong to them...
But its pretty clear to me...
That there IS a relationship.
You don't spend all your time
with someone...
that you don't want to be with.
And it's pretty clear to me...
That Rob and Kristen
want to be together.

(Actions speak louder than Words)

My head hurts.
My stomach hurts.
My heart hurts.
I'm just a big ol walking pile of pain.

You might wonder why I keep torturing myself with Robert...
if all he seems to invoke is endless suffering.
Well.
Addiction is all about the torture.
I'm always wondering where I'm going to get my
next hit of Robert.
And when I get my fix?
I fucking overdose on it.
I keep getting hit again and again...
And I take it.
I love it.
I welcome it.
Sweet, sweet agony of Robert Pattinson.
Hit me again, baby.
I can take it.

I'm going to stop now.
I'm like...
clenching my jaw looking at these pictures.
That can't be good.
Yeah... like staring at these pictures
is healthy?
I have to close my eyes...
and count to 10...
Deep breaths.
The only problem with that?
All I see when I close my eyes...
is Robert.

I'm doomed.

Bye for now.

Twilight Revisited ~ Getting a Rob Fix

I watched Twilight last night.

I was finally home... alone.

Away from people who just don't understand.

I have no idea how many times

I have seen this movie.

So very many.

A scary number, I'm sure.

Not a shock, really...

Considering everything I do

in connection to Twilight Series/Robert Pattinson....

is pretty fucking out there.

Anyway...

The moment Edward walks into the cafeteria?

The best moment in the whole movie.

Catherine Hardwicke and Summit

fucked up a lot of stuff in Twilight...

But casting Robert Pattinson?

Brilliant.

And Edwards entrance still gives me goosebumps.

This isn't a scene from the movie.
It should have been...
But...
We get virtually no affection...
No intimacy in Twilight.
That's why I love this picture.
Bella nuzzling into Edward...
She looks like she belongs there...
Like there is no place
she would rather be... ever.
(Kinda the same with Kristen... right?)
:)

Who the hell is this?
It's not Edward Cullen...
And it really doesn't even look like Rob.
It's a good thing
that this is the first...
and last time
that we saw Rob/Edward
look like this.
Whew.

Gah.
After the last picture...
I really had to cleanse the brain a bit.
THIS is Edward.
So damn sexyhot...
If only they had better utilized Rob
in this movie...
if only they had stayed true to the book...
If only they could have shown
the relationship between Edward and Bella...
If only...

I have high hopes for New Moon.
What I have seen so far...
blows Twilight out of the fucking water.
And that's just 2 minutes of clips.
I can't wait until I can lose myself
with Edward again...
Watch Edward and Bella come to life...
I've missed Edward.
A lot.

I watch Twilight now...
When I find myself missing Rob.
Needing Edward.
It's a nice fix.
I know the movie by heart.
Every movement...
Every word Rob says.
I know Robert by heart.

My heart knows Robert.

Bye for now ♥

Why Don't We Do It In The Road?

Why don't we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us
Why don't we do it in the road?

I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad
It's driving me mad
It's driving me mad

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to--I will.
For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.
Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart.
And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
You know I will
I will.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I barely survived these pictures.

I'm still shaking...

Quivering...

Whimpering...

Why does it fucking hurt to look at him?

Like someone is twisting my heart...

I don't like the hold he has over me.

The control.

I've never felt like this before...

And I never will again.

I am completely owned.

And it scares me.

Bye for now ♥

*EDIT*

Originally I had the Old/New photos here...

But then I heard the guy was sending out

cease and desist letters...

and getting blogs in trouble...

No need to take any chances, I suppose.

I'm sure he wouldn't have noticed me in a zillion years...

But I've grown kinda fond of my blog.

And so it goes.

Rob and the Private Pretty©

I finally got a new phone.

I mean like a real phone.

A phone that actually works.

And coincidentally...

A phone that lets me get online

Read email

Twitter

Facebook

ROBsessed

And basically keep in touch with Rob.

Yeah.

How I would love to be on Rob's speed dial.

Someone commented on a post from a few days ago...

(forgive me for being incredibly lazy for not looking it up)

Saying that my feelings for Robert...

Were just LUST.

And although I will admit that I do indeed

lust after Mr. Pattinson

(Am I not human? Do I not lust?)

There is a lot more to my feelings.

It's not about sex for me.

It's not about the crotch shots...

It's not about 'doing' him...

It's not about guesstimating the size of his...

Well... You know.

I truly believe that I love Rob.

It seems so silly to even think it.

It seems so impossible to rationalize...

But...

I would rather be his friend

than anything else.

My real fantasy of Rob?

He calls me on my new phone...

Caller ID says "Rob"

And the ringtone is "I'll Be Your Lover, Too"

Heh.

We chat a little... about nothing in particular.

He laughs... I melt.

He wants to meet at a club...

There is live music and a great atmosphere...

We meet.

We hug.

Oh... we hug.

He swallows me in his arms...

I nuzzle into his neck...

And I smell Robert Pattinson.

And you KNOW he smells delicious...

(I melt again)

We sit close together in a booth...

We drink.

We talk...

About music.

About books.

About life.

We laugh.

We hang out.

(and yeah, I'm still all melty)

THAT is what I dream about.

Being in Rob's life.

Being someone that he wants to be with.

Being someone who puts that gorgeous smile

on his beautiful face.

Being someone who appreciates Rob

for being an amazing human being

"behind the face".

Being his FRIEND.

Yes... Rob is beautiful.

And yes... he is sexy hot.

But I want what is inside the sexy...

I want The Private Pretty©

Bye for now ♥

Rob's Love Life? Rumors? Are You KIDDING Me?

I have to comment on this cover.

I have to.

1. OK. Rob is finally on the cover of PEOPLE.

May I ask...

What the fuck took you so long?

I mean...

Rob has been in the magazine before...

He's been on the cover in the little sidebar...

But this is his first real cover.

2. And what does PEOPLE decide to talk about?

Rob's love life.

Really?

You put the most beautiful, fascinating, interesting man

walking on the face of this earth

on your fucking cover...

and you talk about love triangles and rumors?

3. Wouldn't it have been nice for PEOPLE

to have talked about Rob's latest acting roles?

Maybe talked to him...

ask him some intelligent questions

about New Moon and Remember Me?

But no.

NO.

We get unsubstantiated bullshit.

And you know me...

I'm all for the whole Rob/Kristen thing

But sorry...

This is

TOO MUCH BULLSHIT.

How disappointing.

*sigh*

Another 'OUTfuckingTAKE'.
If I could put my emotions into words...
I couldn't put those words here anyway.
I would be too embarrassed...
or maybe even arrested or something.
So it's just as well.

Shit.
He's sexyhot gorgeous.

Bye for now ♥