Hello dear reader.
Are you still there?
I am!
I know its been almost a year since the last time
I wrote in here...
but to be fair
We have been going through a global pandemic.
And we did just get rid of the worst president
that this country has ever seen
(yes, my opinion... as always)
So if you are still, indeed, a dear reader...
Thank you.
I'm in a better place now
I hope you are too.
There does seem to be a light
at the end of the tunnel.
Things seem brighter
And getting better all the time...
(couldn't get much worse)
I had a shitty year.
I lost 2 people who were very close to me
within 3 months of each other.
But then again,
compared to other people
I'm doing OK.
I have my health.
I haven't had financial hardships.
My family and friends are doing pretty good.
I'm still here.
I’m still standing.
So that leads me to this blog
and why I decided after a horrible year
and almost a year of absence...
Why I decided to write again.
Couple of things.
1. I love to write.
Even though I do it for a living
Writing this blog
Helps me express my feelings
and opinions
and thoughts...
And sort through how I feel
And why I’m feeling it.
I still enjoy writing about
Robert Pattinson
and
Kristen Stewart.
So here I am.
2. I was going through old emails and texts
that I found on my old laptop...
and WOW.
I mean.
I found shit from 10 years ago.
Was I really so fucking intense?
I mean
seriously, folks.
I was way
WAY
WAY
FUCKING WAY
too invested in the whole Robsten drama.
I didn't even know what "shipping" meant at first.
Really.
But I guess when you love two people together
and get all verklempt and emotional
over every fucking picture and interview...
Well.
I guess that's shipping.
And I was a phenomenal shipper.
I did an exceptional job.
It was glorious fun and joy
watching two people fall in love
and be in love
and like just love... love.
But fucking A.
When those same two people break up?
APOCALYSPE!
End of the WORLD!
“Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!”
I was overwrought.
I was upset.
I was...
OVER INVESTED.
Jesus.
I look back at that now and go
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?"
Seriously.
You can enjoy people being together.
You can enjoy seeing pictures
You can speculate
and have fun with it
without getting emotional
over two people who truly
don't care what you want or believe.
I can look back now
from the comfort of my
knowledge and wisdom
(hahahaha)
and see how I got sucked
into the vortex of the fandom.
It was intoxicating
wasn't it?
It was like the giddy fun part
of being drunk...
Until you wake up the next
morning with a massive headache
and your stomach feeling
like you swallowed dirt.
There comes a time to fucking sober up
you know?
You live
You learn
If you’re lucky.
3. I still adore Rob and Kristen.
Rob is Batman.
BATfuckingMAN.
I still can’t get over it.
But I love it
And can’t WAIT to see him all dark and moody
And vengeful...
Kristen is a Princess.
She’s like a chameleon
And she makes every role she plays
fascinating and thought provoking.
“ Someone who just commands the lens
simply by standing in front of it.”
Way cool.
They still hold s.w.a.y.
over me.
And I'm OK with that
because I still wanna know what is
going on with them.
I’m still following their careers
And I still look forward to every movie they do.
I guess that's what is called...
A FAN
(~ of Both!)
(Couldn’t resist)
Still crazy after all these years.
4. I made a lot of friends here.
Also some enemies along the way.
I don't open myself to people online very often.
I'm cynical.
I'm wary.
And I've been burned.
But...
Reading old emails and texts
made me realize
how sometimes things got twisted
And I may have gotten carried away
about things that never really mattered
and looking back...
It wasn't worth it.
To whom it may concern
I'm so very sorry.
You know who you are.
OK.
Enough of the weirdly sad nostalgia.
I really am in a good place these days.
I look forward to more Rob and Kristen
in the future.
Let's not forget this guy...
(I haven’t)
Thomas Sturridge
IS DREAM.
You got that right.
Green Sheep.
Forever.
Be Safe.
Be Happy.
Until next time.
🌹
(See ya April 9th!)
