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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

"They Don't Know DickShit."

"I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this
 stinking apartment every ten minutes to pore over
 the excruciating minutia of every single daily event."
- Elaine, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

I love Elaine (and Julia Louis Dreyfus)
She is, by far, one of the funniest
best written
fucking hilarious
women on sitcom TV.

That quote right there?
That's kinda exactly how I feel right now.
Insert 'fandom' for 'apartment'

That's the kind of lame-ass bullshit
that has been going round and round
this fandom for months now.
Don't you find it all so very tedious?

I can't with the analyzing every fucking detail
of Rob and Kristen's lives.
I can't with people just making up 'salacious bullshit'
to further their agenda...
My God

Nothing you do or say
is going to change
What is.
No matter what you believe.

"But I don't want to add to this already pre-existing,
 enormous mound of salacious bullshit that isn't real. 
That's not me defending anything. That's true.
 Just being in the middle of it it's weird to comment on it.
 But I feel oddly capable of stepping outside and going,
 "Isn't it obvious to everyone?"

"I try not to let it mess with me, because my true personal life,
 as much as people think they know about it,
they don't know dick shit.
 Who could? By the way nobody knows.
Nobody knows what the fuck is going on."

Nobody knows anything.
All the cousins
and all the experts
and all the insiders
don't know 'dick shit'.

I don't think she could be any fucking clearer.
I would think if you could believe ANYone...
It would be Kristen.

Kristen was on the cover of Vanity Fair France.
The above quotes and pictures were from the interview.
It was a good read
(once it was translated)

So what else is happening besides
the excruciating minutia of the fandom?


Shaggy and Scrappy are back!
I can't even put into words
the fucking FEELS (yeah, I said feels)
I get when I see these two
It's like...
overwhelming nostalgia
combined with
overt joy.

And come on...
Its not just Shaggy and Scrappy...
Its Scooby, too!

What in the world would you do...
Fucking IF
You were walking down a street in NYC
and came across this trio?
Uh huh.
Think about it.
This is just about perfect...
You know?
(just about)
I mean...
Rob AND Tom
And I don't mean to exclude dear Sam...
I can't tell you how happy this makes me.
Or did I already?
Because I really am not sure what I have just typed
and I could just be typing and typing all kinds
of random shit and making a horrific ass out of myself
which lets be honest happens all the time
but my sweet lord
seeing Rob and Tom casually walking down the street
all wrinkled and scruffy and strutting
and sunglasses and baseball hats!
That's exhausting!

And then today?

We get more.
More I tell you... MORE.
One. Two. Three.
In a row.
And who knew that Tom and Sam
both had earrings?

And dear lord...
we get even MORE.
I kinda envision their hotel suite...
With a big pile of wrinkly slightly worn clothes
in the middle of the room
with another pile of hats on a table.
And hey...
you just grab whatever you want and
pull it on no matter what it looks like
and who cares if its hot as hell outside...
There is nothing wrong with a knit beanie!
I kinda picture a bunch of friends
talking and eating and drinking
and laughing...
oh lots of laughing.
Enjoying the company while they can
before they go back to their busy lives.
Old friends are the best friends.

Anything else?
Does anything else matter right now?
*cue maniacal laughter*

The Rover.
(OK, I typed The Rober. I need sleep)
It's available on iTunes right now.
I haven't seen it yet.
I really
want to see it...
But I also kinda want to buy the DVD.
I have all of Rob's movies on DVD
(with the exception of the Neibelung one)
And I kinda wanna own the actual DVD
It's only a couple of weeks more... Right?
Rock. Hard Place.
And there I be sitting between them.

I didn't get to really talk about
Rob and Kristen's ALS ice bucket challenges...
(wonderful charity btw)
But that's kinda old news now.
Just wanna say...
They are both fucking adorable and generous
and I love them.

This post is brought to you by the letter B

B for Bear and Bernie and Cole!
Oh how I love how those three simple names
made the lunatic fringe... cringe.

KS: Bear and Bernie and Cole.
 They're my real security team.

They wanted to believe SO HARD
that Kristen had given up Bear and Bernie to Rob
and gotten Cole to replace them.
Guess not.
And honestly... Like Kristen or Rob
would EVER give up their beloved dogs.
Get fucking real.

B for Bullshit
No one wants or needs
bullshit 'experts' to analyze pictures
that are over 2 years old.
Enough already.
Those pictures... that whole shitty episode
belongs in the past.
This isn't really about Rob and Kristen
Not that it ever was.
This is about someone who supposedly wants people to
believe they have secret insider sources.
Who gives a fuck?
You know dick shit.

Kristen said so.

B is for Bumblebee
I know someone who named their
daughter... Bumblebee.
I'm not kidding.
Makes Apple look pretty good, huh?

And last but never least

I will NEVER get tired of this.

I adore you Thomas Sturridge.

Until next time.

Bye for now

Tuesday, August 19, 2014


Long time no fucking see... huh?
This summer has been so incredibly busy
that I haven't had much of a chance to write my name
much less a blog post.

Miss me?
OK... OK.

I was catching up on my emails
and decided to share a few with you...
my faithful readers.

99.99999% of these emails are real.
My experts have determined that
by measuring the circumference of the words
that start with the letter C.
They then multiply that number with the
longitude and latitude of your location
on October 23, 2013.

Simple, right?

Dear Rose:

Why do you insist on calling yourself a 'fan of both'
You clearly favor Kristen over Rob
since she is all you ever talk about.
Your blog name is misleading!

Dear Rose:

You are not a fan of BOTH!!
I don't even think such a thing exists!!
Why don't you just leave Kristen alone and
get back to obsessing over Rob?
You're not fooling anyone!!

Why would I 'pretend' to like both
Rob and Kristen?
What can possibly be gained by lying about it?
I also am a huge fan of Robert Downey Jr...
and Sandra Bullock
Is that a hoax as well?
In bizarro world you can only like

And seriously...
What's it to you?

Dear Rose:

Why don't you ever talk about their movies and career?
It seems like all you care about is their non existent relationship.
Isn't it time you moved on?

More fascination with what I talk about.
I do talk about their movies and career
But I'm not a NEWS blog.
I write down my thoughts and
 opinions about what's going on...
It's kinda what I've been doing since day one.
I do care about their relationship
Because I care about Rob and Kristen.
I can admit it.
I do.
So I'm interested in what they are doing.
Together or Apart.
I think there is still a Together...
And I will 'move on'
when they do.
Haven't seen either one of them do that yet.
I just want them to be happy...
No matter where that leads.

Dear Rose:

What do you think about all the experts and cousins
and sources that are out there?
Do you believe in any of them?
Is there really a baby out there
that we don't know about?

"I don't know anyone who could be a source."
-Robert Pattinson

"“People think they knew a lot about me before.
 They know even less now."
-Kristen Stewart

To quote an 'expert'...

"I did a circumferential measurement of her breasts, bilaterally."

This is what is called
"Jumping the Shark"

Going a wee bit too far...
It REEKS of desperation.

No. I can't prove these 'experts' don't exist
anymore than anyone can prove they DO.
It's all fucking hearsay.

"information received from other people
 that one cannot adequately substantiate; rumor.
the report of another person's words by a witness, 
usually disallowed as evidence in a court of law."

I'm guessing these "detectives" would even know that much.

Bottom line?
You don't need this bullshit.
You really don't.
If you believe in something... then BELIEVE!
Have some faith.
That's all it takes.
That's all you need.
All the rest is fucking NOISE.

Dear Rose:

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

What do you mean?
African or European swallow?

Dear Rose:

What did you expect?
Coffins and dungeons and moats?

No. Not the moats.

Dear Rose:

That's what you dream about?
Being a monster?

I dream about being with you... forever.

Dear Rose:

I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore.

Then don't.

Dear Rose:

What are your feelings about Robin Williams?

I'm gutted.
I loved him.

I hope he has finally found peace.

I will miss him always.

Dear Rose:

What is it about Rob and walking
that always gets you so worked up?
The guy walks.
So do millions of people.
Big deal.

I rest my case.

Dear Rose:

Do you only like Tom Sturridge because he is friends with Rob?

If I'm being honest...
I'm not sure I would have found Tom on my own.
Six degrees of Robert Pattinson and all that...
So I will be forever grateful to Rob
for introducing me to Tom.
(Thanks Rob!)
That being said?
I love Tom.
I love his movies.
I love his work.
I love his face.
I love his voice.
I love his friendship with Rob and Kristen.

Dear Rose:

The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken
 by absence, distance, or time.
And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant
 or perfect than me he might me, 
he was as irreversibly altered as I was. 
As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine.
Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself?
"You love me."

The crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face.
 "Truly, I do.”


This post is brought to you
By the letter L

L for life.

Don't take it for granted for one second.
I recently lost a friend to a horrible illness.
He was young and smart and funny.
And now he's gone.

L for Love

If you find it.
Cherish it
Hold on tight to those you love
Hug them.
Laugh with them.
Live in the moment.
Appreciate what you have.

Peace and Love
to Robin and Bryan.

Until next time.

Bye for now

Now you know. 
Nobody's ever loved anybody as much as I love you. 
- Bella Kristen to Edward Robert

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Déjà vu

November 2008

August 2014

I'll admit it, OK?
I like this Rob.
The shaggy 
slightly greasy
who pulls his fingers through his hair.

I've missed him.
I never really thought we would see him again
to be honest...
Because 'new' Rob was polished
and styled
and yes... handsome.
And don't get me wrong.
That Rob is wonderful.
(oh how I love him in a suit and tie)
But man oh man
I like 2008 Rob.
There's a sentimental spot
in my heart for this guy.
It makes me remember when being in this fandom
was a good thing.
A fun thing.

OK then.
Enough nostalgia.

Couple of thoughts.

1. LOTS of screeching and howling over this.
(And not just from the usual ovary bursting)
I mean...
my ears are fucking bleeding.
Or would that be my eyes?
Either way... get the fuck over it.

This quote seemed to upset people...

“Shit happens, you know?” he laughs. 
“It’s just young people… it’s normal! And honestly, who gives a shit?”

Was he 'dissing' Kristen?
Was he making light of the whole situation?
What was the question?
Does anyone give a shit?
Was he trying to say... "MOVE THE FUCK ON"?

First off.
Rob would never insult Kristen.
So...scratch that one off the list.
Second off.
Why is he still being asked about this SHIT

2 years later?
Third off.
'It's normal'
Do you really believe that?
Does Rob really believe that?
Fourth off.
Who gives a shit?
Maybe magazines and interviewers
need to focus on the subject at hand.
That would be Rob.
Not Kristen.
Not 2012.

Are you new here?
You do realize that everything out of Rob's mouth
should be taken with a block of salt... Right?
Is there some truth to what he says?
I don't know.
Is he allergic to vaginas?

It's a fucking print interview
where you don't get to see Rob actually answer
any questions.
We've been through this SO many times before
And shall go through it again.
So why do people get so bent on this stuff?

But I will say one serious thing here...
People (Rags, Hags and Mags)
really need to let 2012 go.
If you're a fan of Rob's...
Discussing it doesn't help him.
If you're bringing it up over and over again
praying at the alter of those 50 pictures..
Still wallowing in your bitter hatred for Kristen
You need to look at how it affects him...
being that you're a 'true' fan of Rob and all.

Did you see the headlines after the Esquire interview came out?
It wasn't about The Rover.
It wasn't about his career.
It was all about Kristen and 2012.
"Rob finally opens up about the break up"
"Rob talks about Kristen's cheating"
"Rob tells Esquire he doesn't 'give a shit'"

You see what I mean?
How is that good for Rob?
Rob has gotten GREAT reviews for The Rover
THAT should be the fucking headline.
He's worked hard for his future...
Isn't it time we all focused on it?

2. I adore her.
I get a lot of shit on Twitter
and in ALL CAPS emails
because I talk about Kristen
when my blog is 
"Robert Pattinson Intoxication"

Stop asking me to change the name.
It ain't gonna happen.
I think I've made it pretty obvious for the past 6 years
that I'm a fan of BOTH of them.
And if I want to talk about Kristen...
I will.
And if I want to pontificate about the 
glory of Tom Sturridges incredible blue eyes
I will!
(You know it's coming)
Its. My. Fucking. Blog.


3. (is it 3? I've been rambling a bit, haven't I?)

If you believe in Rob and Kristen.
Why must you be so... desperate to prove it?

"Rob and Kristen are married with a baby. It's a FACT."

No. It's not.
Saying something doesn't make it a fact.
Saying you know someone who says its true
doesn't make it a fact.
Facts are proven.

I'm completely on this ship...
Full fucking steam ahead.

I BELIEVE that Rob and Kristen
are still completely connected
and in each others lives.
I BELIEVE that people would be 
shocked and surprised
at just how deep that connection is.
I BELIEVE they still love each other.

I don't believe that Rob flew to Japan
and then turned around and flew back to LA
just so he could fly to London
all to mess with the paps.
I don't believe there is a hidden marriage
that begot a hidden pregnancy
that then became a hidden baby.
I don't believe Kristen signed on to do 
movie after movie
knowing she was going to give birth
and I don't believe she then gave birth
between scenes
and gamely went back to work.
Who would do that?
And Why?
I don't believe the Paps are in some sort of 
conspiracy to hide this marriage/baby from the public
just because they don't want it to be true.
They would be all over this shit.
They would LOVE that story.
I don't believe that someone has a friend
who knows someone's neighbor whose cousin
works for Kristen
who is conveniently spilling intimate details
about Rob and Kristen's lives
that just so happens to back up absurd claims.

I would love it all to be true.
All of it.
Happily ever after.

And maybe someday
It will be.

But right now?
I get the impression that they want us to focus 
on their careers.
So much to be excited about.
So many movies coming out.
So many movies still to be made.

This is GOOD stuff.
Real stuff.

Read their interviews 
(with the salt shaker handy)
Go see their movies.
Enjoy the gorgeous pictures...

Hot Damn
They are pretty people.

(And I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.)

I've said it once
and I'm sure I will say it a million more times.

It will be OK.
I promise.

This post is brought to you by
the letter T

T for Tom Sturridge

I fucking adore him.

And wasn't it all kinds of sweet and wonderful
that he and Marcus showed up for Rob's Rover BFI screening?
That's essential Tom.
True blue friend
And always there for support.

There are so many wonderful things happening
with Rob and Kristen right now..
Be happy.

Until next time.

Bye for now.