Happy Bunnies!

HAPPY

EASTER!

I love bunnies.

Easter is full of all kinds of bunnies.

Easter is good.

Happy Easter 

to everyone who celebrates.

You're no bunny until some bunny loves you.

This post is brought to you by Green Sheep.

Because animals are cute

no matter what color they are.

TWIMC: Forever.

What will tomorrow bring?

Bye for now

P.S. Rob and Kristen

ALWAYS

End up 

TOGETHER.

Always.

Rob and Kristen-- Guest Blogger

The opinions expressed in the following post

do not necessarily reflect the opinions of

Robert Pattinson Intoxication.

But then again...

Maybe they do.

Any pictures and/or smilies used in this post

were added by me.

Here we go..

*****************************************************************************

ATTENTION ROBERT PATTINSON/KRISTEN STEWART FANDOM

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FOR CITIZENS OF THE WORLD! THIS IS
THE EMERGENCY FOR WHICH WE HAVE BEEN PREPARING!

PLEASE PROCEED UNDER THE CLOSEST DESK OR HEAVY TABLE, GRAB YOUR ANKLES,
AND READ THIS ANNOUNCEMENT IN A PANICKY VOICE!

At this point in time, we can confirm that (GRAB YOUR ANKLES HARDER) Robert Pattinson WAS IN FACT
at a bar with friends AND there were other women present!

(I will pause here and allow you all to scream and panic and write ridiculous emails and tweets about how
this MUST be the end of Rob and Kris' relationship and how he probably was, in fact, fucking some used up hag actress on the bar in front of everyone.)

(Also cue the Kristen supporters who are so fucking delusional that they believe they have to bash Robert if he and Kris are not together, 24 hours a day, 366 days per year)

(Oh and also, RED ALERT to the Rob haters who believe he is an alcoholic and a manwhore)

Now that all groups who like to jump to conclusions and over react have been notified, please let the insanity begin!!!

Ok for anyone with a fucking brain let's think about some things here....

This is Robert Pattinson.  We know some things about him. He's a good guy, a good friend, he's loyal, he likes to play music (acoustic guitar mostly) and he loves one person at a time. (BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT LAST BIT? HE WAS AT A BAR WITH LINDSAY LOHAN!!!!)

Well, again, USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN PEOPLE. Robert has never been linked to more than one woman at a time.  He had some old girlfriends--notice the use of the term girlfriends MEANING, because I obviously have to spell it out, the guy is a serial monogamist. He dates one person at a time and usually for a good deal of time.

(BUT SOME NONSTENS AND TWEETERS SAY ROB HOOKS UP WITH LOTS OF GIRLS)
Name one.

I'm waiting

Still waiting.

Do you have ANY idea what an "I slept with Robert Pattinson" story would be worth to the tabloids?  Even in American money (haha) it would be  certainly enough to entice even the most moral of slutty women to talk and share. Yet, we are some 5 years into this nonsense and not one of these alleged conquests has come forward.   Know why?  BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY!!  THE FUCKING MORONS WHO MAKE THESE CLAIMS HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING BUT TALK. NOT ONE PICTURE NOT ONE WITNESS NOT ONE ANYTHING OTHER THAN JEALOUS BITTER HARPIES WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TALK SHIT ABOUT A DECENT GOOD PERSON.

Moving on.

This is Kristen Stewart.  Lovely, beautiful and yes, talented.  Oh and I know there are some "paralegals" in New Jersey who don't agree she is talented but when EVERY SINGLE PERSON she has worked with her does nothing but sing her praises, well I am going with the directors and producers and other actors and I'll let the paralegal go fuck herself. (By the way, did you ever see a picture of that bitch, because she is seriously one of the ugliest women I've ever seen. Someone shared a picture of her in a bathing suit and I had to wretch afterwards)

Now this is Lindsey Lohan.

Hmmmmm, aside from the obvious why the hell would Robert possibly give up or risk a solid, healthy relationship with Kristen to entangle himself with this mess of a life.....

(BUT WAIT, WE HAVE PICTURES OF THEM SIPPING CHAMPAGNE
 TOGETHER ACCORDING TO TMZ)
Pssst, no you don't. You have a picture of Rob leaving (and looking angry because more than likely a certain recently incarcerated washed-up actress called the paps when she realized Rob was there and she could get herself some attention by selling him out) and then a picture of said washed-up fame whore leaving later that night.

(BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PICTURES OF THEM FUCKING ON THE BAR???)  I was kidding you idiot--there obviously are no pictures of them within even 20 feet of each other. WHY? Because they don't know one another.  Cameras DO IN FACT work indoors and trust that if they were chatting, standing near each other, or even in the same room, there would be pictures. Instead we've got the earth shattering news that GASP ROBERT WAS AT A BAR WITH FRIENDS and LINDSEY LOHAN WAS AT A BAR WITH FRIENDS.
 The rest is nothing but bullshit folks.

Oh and by the way, Ms. Lohan tried this before without success.
She REALLY needs a hobby.

(BUT MAYBE HE AND LINDSAY WERE THERE TOGETHER!!)   I'll let you in on a little secret....Rob is kind of a pussy about police and crime.  I could tell you stories about when he was younger and he would dive out of windows if he thought the police might be bursting in to catch him drinking when he was not yet legal--good times good times--but there is NO FUCKING WAY Robert is going to volunteer to be near someone who is the tornado of trouble that is Ms. Lohan.  Not happening...no how...no way.

So on behalf of your governments I implore you to stop being over-reactionary and use your brains.  Rob is a bright boy and he loves Kristen. He's not about to mess that up and besides, she would certainly kick his ass if he did--hahaha.  

This is nonsense and you all should know better than to react to it.

One more thing, just in case any of you heard about a certain art show going on I wanted to just express that the no name hacks who are participating are simply leaches who have no hope of ever making anything of their lives without trying to exploit and mock a young girl who has never hurt anyone or done anything wrong. For those that argue that the "curator" is a fan and intends it as a tribute, trust that she is the king of the leaches and attaching her hole in the wall, rat-infested store to this project was the only way she could hope to generate even 1 person wandering in for any reason besides to use her urine caked loo.  She and all participating are the worst sort and I hope they all rot in the hottest part of hell.

***************************************************************************

This post is brought to you by

TWIMC

Thank You Guest Blogger.

Until next time...

Bye for now

You're the cutest thing that I ever did see

I really love your peaches

Want to shake your tree

Rob and Kristen-- Once Upon a Time...

I have this girlfriend.

I met her while I was in college.

She is a lovely girl...

Naturally beautiful.

And so incredibly sweet.

Not conceited in the least...

and not high maintenance about her looks.

Her name was Kate.

And although Kate was painfully shy...

We became fast friends.

Now...

Most of the other girls on campus 

really liked Kate too...

Kate would go out of her way to help someone

She would go above and beyond to make sure

that everyone around her was OK.

Kate was funny...

and quirky.

And Kate loved animals.

She was smart and compassionate.

But Kate kinda kept to herself.

Being so shy...

She sometimes had a hard time opening up to people.

A lot of people always kinda knew about her...

But didn't really give Kate much thought either way

Mostly because Kate was so quiet and unassuming.

So time goes by...

Kate works hard at school...

Works hard at everything she does.

Gives her all.

And then one day.

One day.

Kate meets the hottest...

the most popular guy on campus.

Fireworks.

Kismet.

Fate.

They fall in love.

At first sight.

It wasn't easy at first...

There were some complications

But 

This guy...

Roger

He didn't give up on Kate.

He had to have her.

Roger knew they were meant to be together...

No one else 'got' Roger like Kate did.

No one else made Roger feel the way Kate made him feel.

No one else looked beyond his popularity

and his good looks...

and just treated Roger like he wanted to be treated

Like a regular guy.

Which is how Roger saw himself.

Yes.

Roger fought hard for Kate.

His love for her never faltered.

But things changed on campus...

All of a sudden the girls who never really noticed Kate

Decided to start hating her.

Who did Kate think she was going out with Roger?

Roger was WAY too good for her.

These girls decided that they knew what was best for Roger

and they knew it wasn't Kate.

They criticized Kate every day.

From her hair...

Down to her shoes.

Every day.

Roger never paid attention to anyone...

Only to Kate

and his heart.

Kate loved Roger back just as fiercely.

And she fought hard for him too.

She knew she could make him happy.

She knew that she was as good for him...

as he was good for her.

Kate knew that Roger was indeed...

Her soulmate.

And what of the girls who decided to hate Kate?

They couldn't forgive her for taking Roger from them.

He was theirs. Not hers.

They were positive that Kate was just using Roger

for his popularity... for the attention

Surely Roger couldn't really LOVE 

someone like Kate?

She wasn't pretty enough.

She didn't smile enough.

She wasn't grateful enough.

But Roger knew the truth.

He knew those horrible girls were just jealous of Kate.

Not only of her stunning beauty

(and Roger couldn't stop looking at her)

but because everyone who really KNEW Kate

loved and adored her almost as much as Roger did.

They knew that Kate's shyness was sometimes

misunderstood for being aloof... 

They knew the truth.

Kate never hurt anyone.

She works hard at her job.

She's a good and loyal friend.

She is kind and sweet...

and tries hard to do the right thing.

Thing is...

Kate never did anything to these girls

for them to hate her so much.

They don't know Kate.

Never even tried to get to know her.

The barely knew she existed before Roger came along.

They hate her because Roger loves her.

Plain and simple.

So they lie about Kate.

They lie about her family...

Her friends.

They make up stories about her sexuality

and her job performance...

They trash her looks and her clothes.

And why?

What has Kate ever done to them?

Nothing.

Roger fell in love with her.

That's why they hate her.

So I guess I'm writing this...

To tell everyone to just 

back the fuck off of Kate.

If you ever met her...

You would feel protective too.

She's a tiny little thing.

And she doesn't deserve any of this hate.

She didn't do ANYthing to you.

Not one thing.

She just wants to love Roger.

In peace.

And that's what Roger wants too.

Because Roger knows they saved each other...

And they are exactly where they are supposed to be.

Together.

This post is brought to you by Kristen Stewart.

I adore her.

And of course...

By Thomas Sturridge.

For taking care of her...

and being there when she needs you.

I really don't think anyone could ask for a better friend.

To Kate and Roger...

And Kristen and Robert...

Another favorite movie quote.

From Meet Joe Black.

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. 

I say, fall head over heels.

 Find someone you can love like crazy and

 who will love you the same way back.

 How do you find him?

 Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart.

 And I'm not hearing any heart.

 Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. 

To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, 

well, you haven't lived a life at all. 

But you have to try, 

cause if you haven't tried, 

you haven't lived.

Until next time.

Bye for now

Rob and Kristen-- Bring On April!!

March was a magical month!

Wow.

I'm not sure where to begin.

SO much.

So very very much...

Has March come in like a LION?

Get the HELL out of here!

It was a wonderful month... wasn't it?

Starting with Robert going to meet his lovely Kristen

in the city of LOVE.

Glorious.

Stupendous.

Wonderful.

The pictures of them smiling...

and laughing...

and Kristen get up close and personal with Rob's hair.

And then we had ALL of the movie stuff...

SWATH

COSMOPOLIS

BEL AMI

ON THE ROAD

BREAKING DAWN 2

Trailers.

Behind the scenes.

Interviews.

Endless pictures.

AND THEN...

Rob and Kristen

just hanging out with their friends...

having a good time.

At Marcus's show...

Katy Perry's set...

Johnny Flynn's show...

Robert and Kristen

Enjoying their life together.

That brings us to Kristen

at the Kids Choice Awards.

She has a LOT to smile about...

Kristen looked lovely as always.

And OH SO Happy!

Why wouldn't she be?

She spent the weekend in Malibu with her guy...

And some friends.

She looks rested

relaxed

and in LOVE.

I've always liked Andrew...

And we have Kristen and Andrew hugging on the "orange" carpet...

Isn't that all kinds of sweet?

Doesn't it make you go... "Awwwwww"

To see how embraced and loved Kristen is

by all of Robert's friends.

They adore her.

And a positive sign of a wonderful relationship

is when Robert's best friends approve.

It's good to have a friend at the KCA's...

And oh my...

The drama because Kristen brought her friend Scout

with her to the KCAs.

OH DEAR OH MY.

Personally... my thoughts on Scout Taylor Compton

aren't fully formed just yet.

There are a couple of 'red flags'...

But that's just me being wary of anyone who gets close to Kristen.

The memory of Nikki McDonald 

(had a farm.. E I E I O)

is just a bit too fresh for me.

But needless to say...

Kristen seems to enjoy her company.

They like to hang out.

I believe Scout is going out with some guy

from Glee...

I honestly don't see why people get all worked up

over the fact that Kristen brought this girl

with her to the KCAs...

Did people get all dramatic over Katy Perry

bringing Shannon Woodward?

Nope.

(and they were holding  hands... Hahaha)

I would like to give Scout the benefit of

any doubt I might have...

And believe that Kristen is more than capable

of figuring out who her friends are.

She is.

You notice who she ISN'T friends with anymore...

That tells me she knows what she is doing.

And as March came to a close...

We got something that...

I don't even know if I can find the words to describe.

Um.

Who is he smiling at??

Robert.

Pattinson.

Paddle boarding.

Um.

He's like wet and stuff.

Looking all shaggy and handsome.

And relaxed and happy.

And OK...

You KNEW I was going to comment on this...

What is it about Rob in motion that fucking kills me??

No... it's not Robert walking...

It's even better.

(Is that possible??)

Robert.

Running.

Wait.

Wet... Glistening

Shaggy

Tan

Dripping

Robert

Running.

I like it.

Robert Running.

And truly...

What's NOT to like?

So in closing...

March did come in like a fucking lion

and it went out like a fucking lion.

What will April bring?

Everything's coming up Roses!

This post is brought to you by Tom Sturridge's hair.

Is that an earring?

I'm not sure what to think here...

Is he doing this for some role?

Was there some sort of Brit-Pack bet

to shave off parts of your hair?

Is this just the product of taking off the beanie?

Doesn't matter.

Tom Sturridge remains 100% adorable.

Bring on April!!

Until then.

Bye for now