I Have No Words...OK, Maybe a Few...

OK.

I have to address this.

There was a picture posted on all the blogs today...

A screen shot from "Little Ashes"...

Where Rob is 'tucking' himself...and posing in front of the mirror.

No... I won't be posting the pic.

Yes.. he is in character as Dali.

Yes... he looks pretty damn naked.

No... I'm not going to give my opinion.

Yes... it is rocking all the blogs with comments...

No... I don't think everyone will like it...or understand it.

Yes... I actually hope this movie will kill some of the Twilight hype.

No... I still can't find the words...

Yes... I can't wait to see this movie!

Yes... I hope Rob will be taken seriously as an actor...

Yes... he is getting a lot of negative comments from people...

Yes... the 'gay' rumors will really start exploding...

Yes... I read the comments left at Perez's site....

No... I wasn't happy with most of them...they were mean.

Yes... Perez is a hypocritical asshole, who has obviously turned against Rob.

No... I still don't have words.

Yes... the Robkats had an amusing (and expected) reaction to the picture!

Yes... I fucking LOVE the RKs...always and forever.

No... I don't believe Rob and Nikki Reed are dating.

Yes... I just threw that in there because I wanted to.

Yes... I guess I do have words...

Yes... I still love Robert Pattinson.

Bye for now ♥

Robert...Who??

I actually had a decent weekend.

Why?

Because for a great deal of it...

I didn't obsess over Robert.

It was actually kinda refreshing to not always be thinking of him...

his hair...his mouth...his eyes...

well you get the picture.

(and so much for not obsessing...geez)

It was nice to be out with family and friends...

and be IN THE MOMENT...

and focusing on the conversation...

and who I was with...

and not daydreaming about Robert Pattinson.

Yeah...Twilight did come up once...

one of my BFF's daughters brought it up

(of course, she's young and such a typical fan)

And there I was...

acting like Twilight didn't matter to me at all...

FanGurl: Did you see the movie? It was totally awesome!

Rose: Yeah, I saw the movie at the theater.

(oh, I forgot to mention that I saw the bitch 5 times in the theater...

and 100's of times on my computer, oh and how many damn times have I watched that DVD????)

FG: That Robert Pattinson was pretty good as Edward!

Rose: Robert who? Oh yeah...the guy from Harry Potter. He was OK.

(pretty fucking good? He was PERFECTION!!!!)

FG: I already have the DVD!

Rose: Yeah, I would like to have that on DVD.

(Wait...did I forget to tell you I have 3 fucking copies already???)

FG: Edward is Dreamy.

Rose: Stephenie Meyers really knows how to write interesting characters.

(Damn straight Edward is dreamy. And creamy. And....and...fuck...

let's face it...I fucking LOVE Edward!)

FG: I do love Robert Pattinson...but he's a bit old for me!

Rose: *choking on her food* Hahahahahaha....yeah...he's too old for you!

(Fuck me DEAD. If he's too old for you...what the fuck does that make me...

Oh MAN...I don't even wanna fucking GO there.)

That's pretty much how the conversation went...

me listening to this young thing going on and on about Robert Pattinson...

and me pretending that I knew nothing...

Because I couldn't give myself away...

What would it look like if I knew MORE than she did?

That I have memorized his every picture...

Watched endlessly every interview...

Knew all his quotes and words by heart...

Knew his wardrobe...his hats...his shoes...

You understand.

I know you do.

But yeah...

Other than that...

It was a good weekend.

Little to no obsessing over Robert.

and the appropriate question to ask myself here...

Who am I trying to convince?

You? Or Me???

Bye for now

♥

Where's My Happily Ever After???

"Option three: Edward loved me.

The bond forged between us was not one

that could be broken by absence, distance, or time.

And no matter how much more special

or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be,

he was as irreversibly altered as I was.

As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine."

Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 24, p.527

Not much to add today.

I feel rather melancholy...

Not sure if it is because of my

unrequited love for Robert Pattinson...

or that I seem to have immersed myself

into some rather depressing

FanFiction.

Is it too much to ask...

For Edward and Bella...

to fall in love...

and live happily ever after?

I didn't think so.

Anyway.

Go forth and love Robert.

Bye for now♥

Love, Life, Meaning... Over.

"With shaky legs, ignoring the fact

that my action was useless,

I followed him into the forest.

The evidence of his path

had disappeared instantly.

There were no footprints,

the leaves were still again,

but I walked forward without thinking.

I could not do anything else.

I had to keep moving.

If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning... over."

Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p. 73

This is a movie poster made by a fan.

I'm sorry I don't know their name...

I wish I did.

Because I believe this poster is brilliant.

The image of Edward disappearing...

The words

"It will be as if I'd never existed."

It just breaks my heart.

Again.

Excellent job getting all

the important images together.

There was a discussion about this book

where some people just cannot

hide their dislike for Jacob Black.

And for Bella for being weak...

and hurting Edward with him.

I believe that Jacob is a

very necessary part of this story.

Not only to provide conflict...

because, let's face it...

Edward and Bella meet...

fall in love...

and then happily ever after?

Wake me up when its over.

But for giving Bella the chance

to realize her own worth.

Bella gets criticized for not knowing

her own heart

when it comes to Edward.

But the part of Bella that I truly understand...

is her insecurity...

her complete lack of self confidence

in the face of the man she loves...leaving her.

Bella never felt good enough for Edward.

She never understood WHY he loved her...

and always expected him to tire of her and leave.

"I don't trust myself to be... enough.

To deserve you.

There's nothing about me

that could HOLD you."

Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 24, p. 523

That quote pretty much sums up

the reasons for Bella

doing what she does...

whether she is hurting Jacob and Edward...

or herself.

Yes...

I have gotten beyond frustrated with Bella...

At least now I understand her a little better.

Bye for now.

Too Much of a Good Thing?

"If Edward doesn't feel something

one-hundred percent,

he wouldn't bother trying

to pretend to anyone that he does.

I guess I'm similar to him in that respect."

~ Robert Pattinson ~

What a surprise that Robert is so introspective and thoughtful...

Just another charming quality that

makes me absolutely adore him.

*SIGH*

Why are these feelings so overwhelming...

and hard to understand?

I've just about given up trying to figure it out.

Why bother?

Is it going to change anything?

Doubt it.

Well, anyway.

Couple of thoughts for today.

1. There was an article about the relationship

between Robert and Kristen.

It quoted Edi and Ashley saying that

there wasn't anything between them off-screen.

OK.

a. Do you really think either Edi or Ashley would

talk so candidly about either Robert or Kristen?

And are they really 'experts' on this relationship?

b. All I have to say...

is where the hell has Oregano been?

You know...this faithful, loyal lurker of Kristen's....

Who is always following her wherever she goes...

but has not been seen...since when?

He wasn't with her in Japan...

He wasn't with her at the premiere of her latest movie...

And that, my friends...is VERY telling.

Maybe he has finally figured out that he doesn't stand

a fucking chance...against Robert.

Finally.

2. I also wanted to comment on

my latest rants about my "DH".

And while...and I have a rather large smile

on my face as I type this...

I would still push him out of the way for Robert...

I DO love him.

My husband is a great guy.

Wonderful husband...wonderful father.

And while he is a Dick Head some of the time...

I know I'm not all sunshine and lollipops...

(and...no...he has no idea the depths of my Robsession. NONE.)

3. Been watching the Twilight DVDs quite a bit...

Been loving the 'extras'....

Especially love watching the movie with the commentary...

even though I wish there was more of Rob...

Rob Rob Rob Rob Rob Rob.

Shit.

The DVD has made it all worse somehow...

like having total access to Rob...all the time...

And now that everything is so crisp and clear...

Is there such a thing as TOO much?

I used to think so.

Bye for now.

You Better Hold On Tight, SpiderMonkey!

I've purposely stayed away from

discussing this

fucking bullshit

DVD.

Why?

Well...how about everyone

in the fucking universe has gotten theirs

before me?

I mean, seriously...

What.

The.

Fuck.

Is that about?

Is this some sort of punishment

for lusting after a 22 year old?

Is this because I said I would trample

over my husband

to get to Rob?

(and for the record...I still fucking would)

(and no, I don't feel a shred of guilt about it)

(is that wrong?)

I actually didn't mind not having the DVD

over the weekend...

with my easily discarded husband

always lurking nearby...

I wouldn't have been able to enjoy

the movie and extras

the way I would have wanted to.

But now...

I'm fucking READY.

OK?

It will be so nice to watch the movie

with color...and clarity...

and dialogue that matches

the movement of their mouths...

and no little "A" in the corner...

(you KNOW what I'm fucking talking about)

(and if you don't...you aren't a true Twilight lunatic)

Ah yes...

To see Robert...

UP CLOSE...

and

OUT LOUD.

I have high hopes...

The mail hasn't come yet...

or maybe I am just pretending...

because my fragile mind

couldn't possibly comprehend

having to wait another

fucking minute

for this DVD.

I want my Robert.

and I want him now.

Bye for now (insert little red heart here)

OK.

You are NEVER

gonna fucking believe this...

but as I was typing faithfully away...

spilling my guts out...

The mail came....

AND I got a package from UPS.

WOOfuckingHOO!

I have gone from not having the DVD

to having 2 of them

in a matter of minutes!

If my grizzled black heart could

feel joy...

I'm sure it would be

erratically pumping away.

And one of them

is the TARGET one...

which we all know

is the BEST one.

OK.

Enough talk.

I need to get some watching in...

before

my DH

(oh yeah...some people say that

DH stands for Dear Husband...

Well...folks...

*MY* DH stands for

DICK HEAD.)

Which at this point...

I'm sure doesn't surprise you at all.

Again.

Bye for now.

And no heart.

Cuz I just wanna go.

That Old Black Magic...

"That old black magic

has me in its spell.

That old black magic

that you

weave so well.

Icy fingers

up and down

my spine.

The same old

witchcraft

when your eyes

meet mine.

I should stay away

but what

can I do?

I hear your name

and I'm aflame

Aflame with such

a burning desire.

That only

your kiss

can put out the fire."

So many things

to say.

But I am going

to just try

and focus on

these two pictures.

What is it

about Rob...

leaning against a wall...

with his leg bent...

hands at

his waist...

That is making me go

so FUCKING nuts?

Oh hell, who the

fuck am I trying to kid.

Any excuse to post

a picture of Robert...

and then proceed to drool

over some part of it.

I just want to

LOOK at him...

OK????

Is that so fucking wrong?

Is it?

Well...maybe just a little.

When it gets in the way

of my 'real' life...

And let me be the first to say

That I HATE when people

use the term real in quotations...

Because...no matter what is going on

in my god damn life...

Believe me.

It's fucking real.

Too real, maybe.

But...

As much as it pains me to admit this,

My feelings for Robert Pattinson...

are VERY real.

There is no denying that he has

some sort of control over me...

a type of voodoo black magic.

What is it about him...

that tells me that if

for some mysterious reason...

he knocked on my door...

and asked me to leave my life

(and yes...married...with kids)

I fucking would?

No questions asked?

Probably knocking my husband

out of the way...

trampling him

on my journey

to Robert?

Yeah...

That's the fucking REAL

in my life, folks.

There ya go.

For fucking reals.

Bye for now

Bella's Lullaby

"I heard the music before I was out of the car.

Edward hadn’t touched his piano since the night Alice left.

Now, as I shut the car door,

I heard the song morph through a bridge

and change into my lullaby.

Edward was welcoming me home."

Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 34, p.649

I'm not sure why I am posting again, today.

Surely one post was enough.

But...

The clip of Robert playing the piano

from the DVD was posted today.

And while the picture and sound quality were shitty...

I was mesmerized by him.

The silhouette of his beautiful profile...

His long fingers gliding over the keys...

The way he pushed out his lips,

his concentration on what he was playing....

Jesus.

Come on...it's not fair that one man can be so damn perfect.

but it's this sensitive side...this musical side of him...

this really calls to me...touches me...

I could watch him play anything on his guitar...or piano.

When he plays music...it goes deep into my heart...

Dare I say...into my soul?

It makes me fall in love with him.

This beautiful, perfect man.

How can I not love you?

What am I supposed to do with this?

Bye for now...again♥

Twilight Madness

So...I've been thinking....

1. The Twilight DVD comes out tonight at Midnight.

No. I won't be at any of the Twilight parties...

But it's not because I think I'm too good to go...

Or too old even...

It's because there isn't anyone to go WITH.

Otherwise?

I would fucking be there to get my copy.

Who am I kidding?

2. I'm kinda pissed off at Summit.

OK...not because they basically fucked up the movie...

but because there are like...

a zillion and one different versions of Twilight coming out.

WTF?

Seriously?

How many versions do I have to buy?

Which brings us to...

3. I'm not even fucking sure...

how many versions of Twilight I am getting.

First I had pre-ordered from Amazon...

but then the Borders special edition came out...

so I ordered from Borders.

Then the Target special edition came out...

So I pre-ordered from Target.

OK.

Then I canceled my existing pre-order from Amazon...

But then...

I was looking at my order history at Borders...

and the Twilight DVD was nowhere to be found.

WTF?

Are you fucking kidding me?

So...

I fucking order another DVD from Borders...

Even though at this late date...

It says it won't be sent until sometime in April.

Shit.

OK.

THEN.

I fucking get a bullshit email from Borders...

saying my fucking DVD order has shipped.

WHAT?

So now...

I supposedly have a DVD coming in the

next few days...

AND

one coming in April...

on top of the one from Target....

Got that?

So...I open my email this morning...

and guess what?

Amazon has told me that for ordering through them...

I will be offered some code to watch

Twilight online after midnight tonite.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Amazon now?

How many fucking DVDs am I getting?

And the funny thing is...

I was actually considering running out tomorrow

and picking up another copy...

so I could watch it and not have to wait.

Shit.

Do you see how much Summit

has fucked me over?

I feel like I've been

rode hard...

and put away wet.

Bye for now ♥

PE & RP

Well.

As you can see...

I got my copy of GQ

with Rob on the cover.

OK, OK...I got two of them.

One to kiss...

and hug...

One JUST to look at.

PE was not happy.

PE doesn't understand what all the

hub-bub

is about...

Bub.

PE thinks he's far better looking than

RP

PE thinks RP is just copying his style

his look.

Well...hell...

That's what

PE TOLD ME.

OK?

I'm not just making this shit up

as I go along.

I mean...

come on...

Who would do that?

What do you think I am...

CRAZY???

ANYway...

I flew out of my house today...

when I heard via the g-spot

(love me some RKs)

that GQ was indeed out and in stores.

So...

I was talking to my very favoritest

(huh? So it's not a word.)

OK...she's my most beloved RK

YouKnowWhoYouAre.com

and..

Where the fuck was I?

Oh yeah.

So we were discussing Rob...

as usual..

when I decided I just fucking needed

to get the fuck out there...

and find me some Rob.

So I did.

And then I decided to take

some pictures of

PE with RP

Sweet.

OK...

So the pics aren't that great...

but I'm kinda desperate

for ideas, ya know?

Cut me some slack...

alright?

And yeah...

You can't see it in the pics...

but there is like 30 different magazines

in that pile.

Rob is on the cover of most...

because I can't fucking pass up a magazine

with that beautiful face

smiling at me.

Shit.

Now I'm just rambling.

Fucking.

Bullshit.

Bye for now♥

You Are Always On My Mind...

Which Rob looks better?

The wrinkly, crumpled, messy Rob?

Or the suave, debonair, dressy Rob?

I'm not sure.

Although I think its safe to say that Rob is probably

more fond of the wrinkly messy image...

Since that is the one he projects most often.

Robert cleans up nicely...

and I'm so glad that he fucking rocked that tux

at the Academy Awards.

Our boy is smart.

He knows when to play the game.

But if I am being honest...

I prefer the wrinkled, messy Rob.

Because I believe that is the closest

to who Rob really is.

He doesn't give a shit what he looks like...

He stays true to himself...

with what makes him comfortable...

and he still looks fucking gorgeous anyway.

Rob is beautiful...

but he's not a 'pretty boy'.

Because he doesn't try to be beautiful...

he just IS.

And he doesn't care if you

think he's gorgeous...

Because he is just being Robert...

He can't help that he has those seductive eyes...

that chiseled jawline,

those pouty, kissable lips...

That wonderfully imperfect nose...

The disheveled, thick mass of hair,

and those cheekbones...

Fucking to DIE for.

But you can tell he doesn't put much

importance on his looks...

Obviously he wouldn't go out looking like he

does so much of the time.

But that makes him

ALL the more

BEAUTIFUL.

Bye for now♥

Still Crazy After All These Years.

Honestly.

It has taken me about 24 hours to

even be coherent enough to post.

I was Bella in the forest after Edward left her...

curled up in a ball...numb...

not believing what was happening to me...

I still can only look at the GQ pictures for minutes

at a time...

That's all.

Any more than that...

I start whimpering like a lost puppy...

My heart starts pounding in my chest...

Perspiration starts to break out on my forehead...

My hands begin to shake...

and I lose all sense of reality.

Well...OK...

So I fucking have lost that already.

I'm trying to make a point here....

Shit.

I forgot what my point was.

I know it has to do with

Robert Pattinson.

Because everything has to do with him...

Maybe that's the point.

Bye for now♥

Someone is trying to kill me...

JFC

What the FUCK

am I supposed to do with

ALL of THIS???

What????

Fucking TELL me.

He looks so goddamn SAD.

It makes me cry.

It fucking breaks my heart.

I want to hold him.

Hug him.

Smell him.

Oh Jesus.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Fucking Bye For Fucking Now♥

New Moon Rising...

Now that my breathing

has gone back to normal...

and I have stopped lying

in the corner of a dark room

in a fetal position...

sucking my thumb...

Well...I still suck my thumb...

but that's another story

for another time.

I can finally focus on other things...

besides Robert's GQ interview

and glorious, delicious pictures.

Like "New Moon".

These pictures were taken

on the set in Vancouver.

Tell me...

What exactly does it feel like to see

Robert...

Looking like Edward Cullen, again?

It makes my stomach do little flips and flops...

Edward.

Oh, I so love me some Edward.

And I so love Robert as Edward.

I'm both excited and anxious about NM...

I mean...8 quick months...

and it will be in theaters.

How fucking cool is that?

But then again...

I want NM to be fucking GOOD.

I don't want it fucked up, down and sideways

like Twilight was.

Don't fuck with me, Summit.

Stay fucking true to the book for once.

It's really not fucking asking for much.

But then...

I gaze lovingly at the pics in this post...

Edward. Robert. Edward. Robert.

And a part of me WANTS more Edward.

But I always want more Edward.

More Robert.

Lots and lots of Robert.

Endless Robert.

OK...

My stomach is doing flip flops again.

Bye for now♥