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What is essential is invisible to the eye"


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and are in no way meant to cause anyone harm, grief or despair.
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Monday, January 5, 2009

Well, if there ever was a doubt...it's all been erased.


Sweet Jesus. Why does every God damn picture of Rob affect me so God damn much? Seriously. Shit.
OK. Get this. I am out of town for 3 1/2 days. No computer. No cell phone. No Robsessed. I mean...no fucking computer! WTF is THAT about? My husband (kidnapper, as it were) and a few friends went 'up North' to do some snowmobiling...and just hang out in the Northwoods of Wisconsin (and can I just say, that when the city of Forks is shown in "Twilight"...it could be fucking northern Wisconsin, OK? Maybe we get a wee bit more sun...but otherwise? I'm looking for some vampires). I'm all atwitter about how I am going to get my Robsession...filled. I bring along the book Twilight. I bring my iPod with Rob singing...and some movie clips....and I bring along the Twilight movie companion....and I... and I...FUCK. I am so fucking far gone. I mean. LOOK AT ME. I found myself reading Twilight for the zillionth time. Honestly. I have no idea how many bullshit times I've read that book. And I fucking stare at my tiny little iPod screen...just so I can see Robert talk...and move...and fucking BE Robert? And. And. I just fucking listen to Rob sing in my ears...fucking SING TO ME. OK...so who is the most pathetic fucking god damn motherfucking human being in existence? ME. Fucking ME, that's who. I missed Rob so much. I was actually glad that he hasn't done anything recently...so that I wouldn't have missed a new picture...or video...Oh Jesus. And then. We are driving home the 3 hour trip...and I am listening to the Twilight Soundtrack...and I am looking out the window...feeling just like Bella...when she is going off to Forks for the first time. Fucking Hey.
And even through ALL this fucking bullshit...I'm talking to my friends a teeny eeny tiny bit about Twilight...."Oh yeah, I've seen the movie" (a fucking zillion times, but I will tell you that I saw it ONCE) and my husband...AGAIN...says I'm obsessed with vampires. Fucking VAMPIRES. I mean, how fucking clueless can one man be? Vampires? Really? Are you fucking KIDDING ME? I would laugh out loud at that...if it wasn't so fucking pathetic. If *I* weren't so fucking pathetic. And here I thought my getting 'away' would cure me of saying FUCKING every other fucking word. NOPE. Cuz here I am...back on this blog...and fucking is flowing outta me like ....well...fuck....its just flowing out of me, let's leave it at that.
Can you tell that I am more than a bit...agitated? Yeah. Maybe it's just the realization that I am so fucking far gone. I'm even contemplating going to see Twilight in the theater tomorrow. Never mind that I just watched the motherfucker...never mind that I've seen the movie in excess of 20 times (OK, 20 is a guess, I really don't have any idea how many fucking times I've watched Twilight. I've seen it 5x in theaters, countless times on the computer. And isn't it even scarier to think that I have NO FUCKING IDEA how many times I've seen it? 20 is a fucking guess. I mean, it could be fucking MORE than that. Bullshit). I mean, seriously. Get a fucking grip, woman.
OK then. I've ranted and raved for a while now. Do I feel better? No fucking way. I may be a lot of things...but I'm not stupid. And I'm no fool. And I know when I'm a goner. And I'm shaking hands and saying goodbye to the last shreds of my sanity. Toodles!

1 comment:

Tess said...

I just wanna hug you Rose....

I fucking love this post. It's raw, it's real... it's how you feel.. let it flow..

OH... PS: Nothing fucking beats listening to Rob sing Never think while your driving through the Italian countryside. I had tears in my fucking GD eyes and my husband was wondering what the fuck was wrong with me!

I have to say, it was one of the most intimate encounters I've had in a long while... which in itself is fucking sad..

check out my last blog entry if you get the chance.... even God was cussing :)

Heart ya,
T