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What is essential is invisible to the eye"


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Monday, September 28, 2009

The Trouble With Robert Pattinson

I'm in trouble.
Big Trouble.
That starts with T
And that rhymes with P
and that stands for Pattinson.
Yeah.
Big fucking trouble.

I think I've been fooling myself.
I mean...
Like trying to convince myself that
my feelings...
my devotion...
my... LOVE
For Rob was all under control.
Guess what?
It's not.
Not even close.

I was talking to husband last night...
Let's call him B from now on.
He's the one who's about my height (I'm 5'9")
He's the guy who shaves his head...
He's the father of my 2 incredible children.
He's the man who provides and cares for his family.

So last night...
He came up behind me and gave me this huge hug.
I asked him what brought that on?
He told me he likes to hug me...
Because... "I Love You"
and "You look pretty damn good to me"

And as he walked away from me...
You know what I did?
Do you even WANT to know?
I closed my eyes...
And Rob was there.
Standing in front of me...
He's the one who is taller than me (6'1")
He's the one who has incredible sexy thick hair...
He's the guy who embodies everything I love about a man.
Everyfuckingthing.

Except he's not B.
And he will never love me the way B does.

So why do I see Rob when I close my eyes?
Why does my heart ache when I look at him?
Why does he haunt my dreams...
even when I'm not sleeping?

Oh hell.
I'm in trouble.
That starts with T
And that rhymes with P
And that means
I'm totally phucked.

Bye for now

14 comments:

ImAprilE said...

Wow, this was great. Very great in fact. Awesome pick-me-up for a Monday!

Anonymous said...

Pick-me-up? Feel sorry for B - and he's real. As gorgeous as Rob is he's not perfect, no one is. You have two gorgeous kids and a husband who loves you be thankful.

Laura said...

Awww, Rose.. [[[HUGS]]]

I know how you feel!

Rose said...

Don't worry... I love B. I have for most of my life.I always will. I realize how lucky I am to have him in my life.

But yes... I feel bad that my 'feelings' for Rob... have somehow gotten in the way.

BTW... B is real... but so is Rob. And I know that Rob isn't perfect... that's part of the reason I adore him.
Can't win for losing.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Rob is real, but he'll never be the one warming your bed at night. As much as I am a fan of Rob, he's the last thing that would be on my mind if I was lucky enough to have a good man in my life and was telling me that he loved me.

Rose said...

Anon...
I know that Rob will never warm my bed. The whole point of my post was that my feelings for Rob have gotten in the way.
I don't love B any less.
But the whole point is...
Rob IS on my mind.
And I'm trying to figure it out.
Why Rob has affected me so deeply.
This has never happened to me before.
And its kinda scary.
I'm not delusional.
I'm not looking to leave my husband.
Just being honest.

rpfangirldc said...

I think you speak for a lot of people out there. Why is it life is like that? IDK.

fayezeewayzee said...

I was telling my daughter yesterday about your blog and how it seems like you are saying the things I'm feeling. You are not delusional. You are also not alone. I have struggled this past year with the exact same thing! There is no explaining it! You will never figure it out! I'm sorry to say...if there was a solution, surely I could have figured it out by now!! :0( It's very scary, and I don't know what else to do but deal with it, ya know!? Daughters friend just got hooked and asked how long this (feeling/obsession) will last? She told her...forever probably!

imloco2 said...

Kristen said something a while back that really struck me. She said something along the lines of 'as much as I keep saying Rob is not the perfect guy he really is perfect because he is flawed'. And I thought she was a little crazy to say that. But I'm beginning to get what she was saying. At least I think I do.

I don't think most of his fans think he is without flaws. I think it's the fact that he is flawed and the type of flaws that make him even more attractive. How weird does that sound? But, if it was just his face I don't think he'd have the rabid following he does.

So how do you counteract a gorgeous, funny, humble, talented, and deliciously flawed MAN? I don't know. Kryptonite?

You are not alone...

Vampsus said...

I come here everyday
to make sure that I'm
still not the only fool
crushin' on this man.
I feel better when I
read your blog and the
comments. We seem to be
in good company.
My husband is
intellegent, loving,
a good provider, and all...
It still sucks my breath away
to look Rob Pattinson.

rAndom fangirl said...

holy sh*t, are you me? hubby and i had a little closet action and i pictured Rob. gah.

Kelly said...

Rose,

If it were whole, my heart would go out to you.. but my heart is torn as well and you have said what I have thought. There are days when I think what I feel, inside, for him, will just consume me.

In life we are taught that to have feelings of attachment, affection for anyone other than your significant other is wrong. As soon as it is mentioned people are running at you with the big scarlet “A” ready to pin it on you.

I am happily married, love my husband, it's a second marriage for me and only a little over a year old, but the shortness of time doesn't diminish the fact that I love him and feel so very fortunate to have him in my life.

That said, I know that I have feelings of affection for Rob. I know this, I'm old enough to know this. It's not a crush. He is an intriguing character, someone you can’t just walk away from, no matter how boring he professes himself to be. I look forward to having my affection for him grow as years pass, and we watch him grow and change.

Some who visit your blog know what I am about to tell you already, but my mom passed away a little over a week ago. My heart, is broken. I just got back to work and I'm trying to get back to life.. even though my life will never be the same. I mention this because during the past weeks, when I was fighting tears and trying to keep it all together the mere fact the Robert Pattinson existed was a real source of comfort when I needed an escape. People around me hugged me and offered condolences and I appreciated each and every one, but late at night.. when the house was quiet and I couldn't sleep or make my mind stop, and I needed comfort, I turned to these blogs and I turned to the videos, interviews, whatever I could watch, even my little itty bitty video of Rob that I took myself, this summer when I made a set visit, and he looked up and smiled.. that moment, that smile... it made my heart hurt a little less, made it able to beat and not feel like such an effort. That was a gift, and he didn’t have to do anything but be himself. That is all I will ever ask of him.

My point in all of this?..... just to say, I feel you sister.. I feel you and you are not alone, and I think it's ok, that you can hold affection for more than one person at a time. I know you love your husband... and I know how you feel about Rob. And none of it.. not one tiny moment of it need ever make sense to the masses... it doesn’t even need to make sense to you. Because it's not right or wrong... it just ... is.

Anonymous said...

Well, how about every time you got vision of him…you make a vision of Kristen standing next to him…laughing, smiling in their infamous “Robsten Bubble”. I’m sure that image will be the cure for our disease. So far it works for me…lol

Cahrollah said...

This is a beautiful post Rose, and I think it expresses what a lot of us very happily married women feel.

I wouldn't give my husband up for the world but I can't help my feelings for Rob and no matter how much I try to delude myself that those feelings are fading...they're not.