The Anticipation of New Moon

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway

And I wonder if I'm really with you now

Or just chasing after some finer day.

Anticipation, Anticipation

Is making me late

Is keeping me waiting

I'm worried.

Like...

Really worried.

New Moon is less than 2 months away.

That anxiety is creeping back in.

I remember what it was like before...

Before Twilight.

The anticipation was brutal.

I greedily swallowed

every clip...

every picture.

And it was never enough.

My stomach is in knots.

Right now.

Do you remember how it was?

The cruel uncertainty...

The brutal expectation?

The never ending waiting...

Once I found Twilight online...

I watched that bitch over and over again.

It was blue. It was dark.

It was missing pieces.

Sometimes the audio didn't sync with the video.

but I watched it.

Again.

And Again.

I couldn't stop myself.

I had to do it.

I needed Edward.

I desired Rob.

And when the movie finally came out?

I only went 5 times in the theater.

But the scary part...

I would come home from watching it

on the big screen...

and turn to my computer...

and watch it again.

Never taking my eyes off of Robert.

Not being able to stop myself.

I never felt satisfied.

My thirst for Twilight

was never satiated...

Until New Moon.

I'm not sure I'm up for this.

Truly.

My family already thinks

I'm a raging lunatic.

Obviously they are correct

in their assumptions.

The thought of New Moon

actually makes me dizzy...

So I'm a stumbling

blabbering fool

whose stomach is clenched

and is lost

in the fog of

New Moon.

57 days. 17 hours. 23minutes.

I'm not sure I can do it.

I'm not sure I'm strong enough this time.

I'm not sure.

Bye for now ♥