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What is essential is invisible to the eye"


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Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Anticipation of New Moon



We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.
Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting

I'm worried.
Like...
Really worried.
New Moon is less than 2 months away.
That anxiety is creeping back in.
I remember what it was like before...
Before Twilight.
The anticipation was brutal.
I greedily swallowed
every clip...
every picture.
And it was never enough.

My stomach is in knots.
Right now.
Do you remember how it was?
The cruel uncertainty...
The brutal expectation?
The never ending waiting...
Once I found Twilight online...
I watched that bitch over and over again.
It was blue. It was dark.
It was missing pieces.
Sometimes the audio didn't sync with the video.
but I watched it.
Again.
And Again.

I couldn't stop myself.
I had to do it.
I needed Edward.
I desired Rob.

And when the movie finally came out?
I only went 5 times in the theater.
But the scary part...
I would come home from watching it
on the big screen...
and turn to my computer...
and watch it again.

Never taking my eyes off of Robert.
Not being able to stop myself.
I never felt satisfied.
My thirst for Twilight
was never satiated...
Until New Moon.
I'm not sure I'm up for this.
Truly.
My family already thinks
I'm a raging lunatic.
Obviously they are correct
in their assumptions.

The thought of New Moon
actually makes me dizzy...
So I'm a stumbling
blabbering fool
whose stomach is clenched
and is lost
in the fog of
New Moon.

57 days. 17 hours. 23minutes.

I'm not sure I can do it.
I'm not sure I'm strong enough this time.

I'm not sure.

Bye for now

3 comments:

Becca said...

Your words my thoughts. You speak for many of us.. Great post!

imloco2 said...

Like a diet of tofu...you’re never fully satisfied... I guess now we know how the Cullens feel. What would it take to fully satisfy us? Hmm...

auntapey said...

I am so with you Rose.

Except I'm doubly scared for myself because I didn't become Rob/Twi/Kris obsessed until Jan/Feb. I didn't see the movie until it was released on DVD.

I know I am in big trouble come Nov 20th. That weekend is going to drain my bank account for sure. I can honestly see myself going all four days (including midnight opening). If that isn't crazy I don't know what is.