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Thursday, October 29, 2009

Day 29- Robert Pattinson Took My Virginity

Rob walking with a cigarette.
That just about does it for me.
But who the hell am I kidding?
Rob doesn't have to be doing anything...
He fucking kills me every time.

I keep asking myself how I got here.
Because I honestly don't understand.

Sure... on some levels I get it...
Rob is beautiful.
Rob plays Edward Cullen.
Edward Cullen owns me.
I love Robert Pattinson.

Yada Yada Yada...

If I try to go back to July 2008...
back to those lovely days of Twilight virginity...
I was just living my life...
Before I had ever heard of Edward and Bella.
And you know what?

I can't fucking GO back.

I don't remember what it was like
without Robert in my life.

I mean...
He's always there.
All day.
He's in my thoughts.
My dreams.
He's in my blood...
(yeah... cute vampire thingy... OK)

I don't remember what my life was like
before I picked up
Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse
at Sams club one day...

I don't recall how I went about living...
Without desire and wanton lust
for Edward Cullen.
I can't fucking imagine
my life WITHOUT
Robert Pattinson.

Pathetic much?
Just a little (lot).

And you know what's even worse?
I have absolutely no control over any of it.
I kid myself into believing I can step away
any time I feel like it...
That I don't need Robert and/or Edward...
But like a true addict...
It's all lies.

I know it.
You know it.
We all fucking know it.

So where in the living hell do I go from here?
(and it is a kind of living hell... yes?)

I really don't know.
It's been 15 months.
15 months of my life...
That I have loved Robert Pattinson.
And its not going away.
If anything...
I love him more than ever.

15 months adoring
a 23 year old actor?

What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me?

I don't know.
Maybe I'm too far gone to do anything about it.
Maybe I will feel this way
about Robert...
For the rest of my life.

I actually can't imagine
not loving him.

I'm so gone.
Too far gone.

There's no coming back from this.

Robert Pattinson owns me.

Kristen looking softly beautiful.
Love her.
So much.

You know what I don't love?
People who pretend to like Kristen.
They act like they are into her...
but get their nasty digs in whenever
is in the picture.

You know what?
Fucking own it, OK?
You don't have to like Kristen...
Just quit pretending.
Stop lying.
You aren't fooling anyone.

I've seen the posts...
The sly tweets...
I've seen the intentional jabs...
The constant digs.

Own it...
or shut the fuck up.

I would rather someone come out and hate her
then twist the knife in her back
every chance they get.

*deep breath*

Bye for now


Anonymous said...

There's no pretending here...I fucking LOVE Kristen Stewart. I love every damn thing about her. In fact, I love her more than Rob. Haha, now don't hate me but that's the truth.

Cat said...


she has 2nd ownership of my heart...

Robs my Master (kinky? yes please!)

debbi said...

My God, you might as well have written that post about me, right down to the month we walked into the crack den that is Twilight. I often think back to the time Before Rob (BR), when I didn't spend hours trolling the internet for any info on the man. It seems like another life. It WAS another life. I don't see how this can go on forever, but I also don't see how it's going to stop, either. Will I change? Will he? Right now, this shit owns me.

curlyhallie said...

Oh my Gahhhh! I'm sorry that you are going through this and I 110% sympathize with you! Since last July(08) I have been obsessed with him and his world. Googling his name everyday( before I leave home...immediately as I walk in the door). I need help..anyone?? I don't see a light out of this tunnel..after NM is Rmbr Me, and he is said to be more like himself in that movie which is going to dig me deeper. I wear my IPod to sleep everynight and play my "Rob" playlist. My predreams are amazing btw, My husband doesn't seem to be bothered by this. If I were to explain this it would have to be that Rob has some kind of Voodooish type thing going on, because I have never been this bad.

I will sign us both up for classes as soon as I find some.

Sincerely you twin.

loveactually said...

There are so many things about Rob that make me smile...make me feel protective of someone I've never met. Yeah it's a bit weird how it's unfolded this past year. Thankfully my husband accepts it..even thinks it's kinda cute. :)

I think some of Rob's fans tolerate Kristen as long as she is mentioned on her own apart from Rob. Kristen holds an important place in Rob's life...possibly even his heart...so when she is mentioned with him the reality of that hits close to home. Maybe? Maybe not? That's just my take.

I've been a Kristen fan for a long time. I love her. No conditions. I can see the times she puts up that tough exterior to protect herself and I also can see the times she bares a little of herself and shows her vulnerability. I'll take her either way. Whatever helps her survive the constant scrutiny and the spotlight. The only thing that matters is her staying true to herself which she continues to do.

Another great post Rose...you always manage to keep it real. ;)

Rachel said...

So nice to have people with the same addiction. I was a normal person until July of 2009, a bit slow on the Twilight craze...only because it was like I knew once I actually saw the movie, read the books then Rob would OWN me.

Well he OWNS me now!!! I had to go away for the weekend and had no internet..... when I got home I went straight on and checked out my favourite blog...and I could sigh in relief.

I am a normal 30 year old mum yet I am wondering if after Eclipse - possibly Breaking Dawn...will my life return to normal?????

Or does this incredible 23 year old actor own me for life?

Love your blog.

imloco2 said...

I totally understand how it is, Rose. I might not be jonesing for Rob's bod, but I actually kind of love the kid. I've tried thinking of the future when Rob is older. Maybe his hairline is receding. Maybe the cigs and the booze have taken their toll. The lines on his face telling of years of hard living. (all worse case scenarios of course *g*) and I think I'll probably always have a soft spot in my heart for him no matter what. I imagine a lot of people will too.

As for Kristen, at first I liked her because she was a great Bella, and then because she made Rob happy. But the more I get to know of her the more I love her attitude, her professionalism, her dedication. Heck, even her bitch face. LOL And the fact that Rob loves her just puts the icing on the cake. He has good taste. ;)

Anonymous said...

hmmm… some people who pretend to love Kristen aye…hmmm I think I knew that “blog”…lol
I am a Kristen fan first(more like I’m in love with her)…then I saw twilight & I like the chemistry between Kristen & Rob…then I start to see their interviews together…then the rest is history…I became a shipper(never ship anyone or anything b4..lol) if shipping them is wrong then I don’t want to be right!!!lol
Rose did you see Robsten arriving at LAX vid? how sweet our boy can be??! deflecting the paps from kristen, he truly is a knight of shining green jacket of Kristen..lol